When I was younger, I often spoke without thinking. Well, I thought about it sure...However, I always felt the need to speak my mind. And even then, sometimes it was more of how things were said.
I had that one problem that a lot of people seem to have. Not thinking before I spoke. And even then, I didn't think it wrong to say. I never meant it the way it came out was my situation. It was either the tone of my voice or how it was worded but it could have been the most HARMLESS thing ever...Yet I still got into trouble. My mother had always told me that I needed to think before I spoke . And I used to get so mad because I never meant it that way. Though, I still try and stick to it...Sometimes by just not saying anything at all...Kind of like the whole, "If you don't have something nice to say, don't say anything at all." Yeah that saying.
But then I would say something I deemed innocent and BAM! We would get into a great argument over what I meant and what she "knew" I really meant. It would get me so angry that I would pop off with, "And just how do you know what I'm thinking?" Of course you know that never sets well with parents. So of course I got into trouble. And then I would get yelled at for being so argumentative. In my own opinion, there is a difference between defending one's self and arguing because you want a good argument. So the next advice, I attempted to take, and yet, for some reason, it never shows.
Yet the advice that I still keep with me is from my old therapist. She had asked me one day, "How do you know it was wrong?". Naturally I was like WHAT? What is this? Some type of quick question. She continued however, the wisdom that I knew she had somewhere in there (seeing as she wrote a book) sparkling in her eyes. "Tell me how you know its right or wrong?" So I told her of all the law makers and all the older people who...Well they just knew these things...And then she laughed and asked, "And just how do they know which is right and wrong? And the people who told them, its just something they created. We don't know for sure, which is right and which is wrong." I was silent after that, eager to hear more. " We all do the best we can," She continued. "Whether its right or wrong in other's eyes, in our own, its right. We feel it inside of us and sometimes its not always the best choice, but it was the right one." And it really got me thinking. She had continued. "At the end of the day, can you rate your self a 10 out of 10? Did you do the best you could? Do you feel like you did the best you could?" I was speechless. "And if so then you did do the best you could."
After word, I had started looking at things a bit differently. I mean I still, in my mind, rate things as right or wrong, but who can't being brought up that way? Yet, even if its wrong, I still try and think about it. For one thing, I hate my mother, and even after all the wrong things she did, she thought, in her mind, that she was doing the right thing. So to her, that's all that matters. Whether or not I or anyone else thinks so.
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